


What's In A Name

by Dolimir



Category: Smallville
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-21
Updated: 2011-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-20 15:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dolimir/pseuds/Dolimir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex enjoys flustering Superman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's In A Name

“Luthor!”

Lex watched as the flying alien landed on his penthouse balcony.

“I’m sorry. Do I know you?”

“My name is--”

“I know, Superman.”

“Actually, it’s Kal-El. Superman is a moniker Lois Lane gave me.”

“Yet you wear an ‘S’ on your chest.”

Superman followed Lex’s line of sight. “This is the family crest for the House of El.”

“I can see where people might get confused.”

“I’m not concerned about people’s perceptions. I’m here to--”

“How long have you been here?”

Superman looked confused. “About a minute.”

Lex shook his head. “I meant on this planet.”

The confusion intensified. “Long enough. But what I want to--”

“Has no one explained to you that underwear goes beneath your tights?”

“These aren’t underpants,” Superman said with exasperation.

“Oh-kay. But those are tight.”

“They're not tights. It's actually more of a body suit.”

“Whatever it is, it takes a man confident in his sexuality to wear an outfit like that with such ease.”

“Confident in my sexuality? What are you talking about?”

“It doesn’t really leave anything to the imagination, does it?”

“What? I…”

“I mean, I can tell you’re not wearing a cup.”

“A cup?”

“You may be super and everything, but if you’re going to be fighting villains, you might consider getting one. A little extra protection never hurts.”

“I…uh…”

“Also, you should consider investing in a thicker fabric. A stiff breeze will make your chest quite the distraction and you don’t want teenage girls coming up with creative ways to get your attention, now do you?”

“My chest?”

“I’m sorry. I interrupted you earlier. You were saying?”

“I…that is… Never mind.”

As Lex watched the Man of Steel fly away, he wondered if Clark would eventually resort to writing him scathing letters since the personal approach obviously wasn’t working. For the first time in a long time, he was glad Clark Kent was such a farm boy.


End file.
